Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

GEDC1648Today we are celebrating my son’s 8th Birthday. I cannot believe that it has been 8 years since he was born. Thinking back I cannot help but remember how difficult the pregnancy was for me and how I was faced with some very serious decisions. Being pregnant is supposed to be a joyful and exciting experience but I am sad to say that this this time around was none of those things for me. I was full of anxiety and fear as I wondered what each day would bring.

My daughter, Dasha, was 7 months old when I found out I was pregnant for a 2nd time. Obviously my boyfriend and I did not use the common sense that God so graciously gave us. Almost immediately I started to have complications with my heart. I have mitral valve prolapse and it was getting worse every day that I was pregnant. My heart went thru a lot of strain being forced to endure a  9 month pregnancy, labor and then delivery of my daughter.  Now 7 months later, I am asking my heart to do it all again. When I was 10 weeks pregnant, I had an echo cardiogram to get an idea of what was going on.  That was when my cardiologist gave me some earth shattering news, “You might not make it thru the pregnancy and I strongly suggest you look at all your options. You need to think about terminating the pregnancy.” I was speechless and didn’t even say good-bye before hanging up the phone. Later that day, my Ob/Gyn called me to talk about what my cardiologist had discussed with her. By that time I had found my voice and told her that terminating the pregnancy was NOT an option and it was not to be brought up again. She respected my wishes but explained to me that she could not continue seeing me, as she was not qualified to handle such a high risk situation. Once the word got out to my loved ones about the risks I faced, they all wanted to discuss what my choices were. “You have a 7 month old daughter that needs her mother in her life. Do you really want to risk forcing her to go thru life with the burden of losing her mother when she was just a baby?” The hardest person I had to face was my mom. She had already lost one child to a heart attack (my brother was only 16 when he died. She never really recovered from that, as no mother would) and now here she is being forced to face the possibility of losing another child. I would always tell my concerned family, “It is not my decision to make. God has given me this child for a reason and if it is to leave this world to bring him into it then who am I to defy God’s plans for me?” I knew the risks were very high both for myself and my unborn child, but I had to trust that there was a reason for it all. Maybe this child is meant to cure cancer one day and if I decide to terminate then that would never happen… I had a lot of thoughts like this running through my head as the days turned into weeks and my heart grew weaker. I was told that my heart would not be able to handle the strain of the contractions so a c-section was schedule 4 weeks before the actual due date, so I did not run the risk of going into labor unexpectedly. Through my dreams, I got to know the child that was growing inside of me and knew that I was having boy way before the sonogram could tell me. Immediately I knew that I was going to name him Anthony Michael (Anthony after his father and paternal grandfather & Michael after my father)… Good strong names for a strong man he will turn out to be.  I continued to grow very weak and was put on bed-rest; I was not allowed to be alone and needed help caring for my daughter. But Anthony thrived… Finally the day came for us to go to the hospital so we could meet Anthony! Despite the odds, we both made it thru the pregnancy and the surgery. And even though, my heart was still very weak, it slowly got stronger with each day that passed. I just needed to give it time to recover.

Now, here we are 8 years later, living life to the fullest. Anthony is even a big brother to his 17 month old sister. We do not know what is in store for us nor should we make the mistake of thinking that we do. One thing I have learned is you cannot let fear run your life. Other wise, you could make some very wrong choices and end up missing out on some very special miracles. Anthony is only one of my Miracles. What are some of yours?



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